really tired of limbo

as most of you know, matt and i are SERIOUSLY in limbo right now and frankly, i'm getting tired of it.

yesterday, i had my first breakdown since being pregnant. honestly, i have had no emotional symptoms of pregnancy. i was even able to play the organ for a funeral of a very loved child of a very loved friend and not cry. but yesterday, not so much luck.

here is the short of it: i am not going back to my job. i am done in 2 weeks (june 10). matt just graduated 3 weeks ago. he will be the only worker in our home. he does not yet have a job. therefore, we do not know where we are going to live for this coming year (i always think of years in school years- i'm a teacher).

now typically, this would only be a minorly stressful situation. NO ONE with a teaching degree has a job yet. (okay maybe like 2 people, but seriously, no one). schools don't even know how many jobs they will need filled yet. schools work on a very late and stressful calendar- but you deal, cause it's what you signed up for when you checked "education" as your degree.

well, i'm almost 31 weeks pregnant. and THIS is why it's SO stressful. and here is the story of the breakdown...

we went to the doctor yesterday for check-up (everything is perfectly normal, including my weight gain- yay!). he asked if we had registered yet at the hospital. this is when my heart started pounding. yes, we have, but are we really having him in charlotte? i do not know. i did not cry then but when we got in the car, i did. there are just SO many uncertainties in our life right now. like where will we live? where will he be born? will i have to switch doctors in the last month of my pregnancy? when will be able to move? will we be able to buy or will we need to keep renting?

i have all of this baby stuff, including furniture, and it's all just in boxes. everything i read says this is the prime time to get the nursery ready and things like that. well, you kind of have to have a house to have a room to make the nursery to get it ready. this baby currently has no where to sleep or live. it's very stressful.

so if you see me around and i look like i'm stressed beyond my capability to handle, i currently am.